ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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