After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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