I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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