If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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