Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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