I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
porn star boner night. come get it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
