I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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