imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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