man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
