you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
