I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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