I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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