Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
