bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
