I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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