Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Duck Duck Cougar?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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