remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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