i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are my feet made of real feet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
