Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
