I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
