HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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