we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
