I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
