I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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