I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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