the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
