Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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