Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
