what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found puke in my bra..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
