Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
