i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
