Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
