explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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