im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
