What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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