Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
