you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
