it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
