Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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