This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
