We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
