I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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