you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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