We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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