What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could make wine with my vomit
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
