So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
