Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
