You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.