Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
