Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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