Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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