I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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