Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said her name was "party"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
