I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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