and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
