i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
