How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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