Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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