I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
