Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
