he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
