Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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