How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
