Me. At least after what I've been through.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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