you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
