dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
