you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
