That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
