Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
