what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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