gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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