How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
