tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
