Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
