I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
