Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
