His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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