just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
