This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is my gift to your gina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
