When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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