well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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