Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think my vagina is haunted
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
